Ready...

Firstly... Today I realised just how lucky I am. To be alive. To be walking. To be talking. To be going on exchange. Cheers to Jordan for showing me that, leading totally by example, and not even realising what an effect she has had. I'm glad you're going well =)

I have a visa. I have a host family. I have insurance. I have a plane flight. I am ready to go to France, in the sense that all of my paperwork is done.

I am ready, but I am not set, and I don't want to go.

I need more time. More time to organise things. More time to know that this is what I really want. More time to be with people. More time to mature. More time to know that I can handle exchange. More time to know that I can do this, that I will do this.

Every night I am up for hours, thinking about exchange, one moment excited, the next terrified. Maybe I shouldn't have selected a year. Maybe my host family will hate me. Maybe I will love them heaps and think of them as my own. Maybe I won't be able to function. Maybe the language will not be too hard to pick up. Maybe I will get really homesick. Maybe I will thrive being away from here. Maybe I will regret exchange. Maybe I will love it.

All I can think is this: I am meant to go on exchange. I got selected onto Rotary (then turned them down, but that's another story). I got my visa without a problem. Payment is not as difficult for me as I thought it would be. There have been no problems with EF. My parents didn't even need convincing. I am, for some reason, meant to do this. I can only guarantee that I am NOT the perfect exchange student, and I hope my host family don't expect me to be.

My reaction to it all...*insert profanity here*