6 Days

So, I'm currently trying to just not think about exchange. Slightly pathetic? Yes. But still, I can't deal with the stress. So many people want to see me but I just don't have the time. Then when I do, people aren't available and it's just way to complicated... It's gotten to the stage that I just say 'I am available here,' and if they can't make it, then too bad. I feel horrible, but it's the only way I can do it.


I went on youth camp last week, and it was awesome as usual. You could just feel the Holy Spirit the whole time and it was such a great rest, away from all the stress back home. Oh, and I won Pegged, earning me a massive bucket of lollies (5.1 litres, to be precise). I went around to everyone, saying, please, take some, I'm going away in ten days for a year. And even after everyone on camp took, say, 3 lollies each (120x3), I was still left with half a bucket. Needless to say, I now have a constant sugar headache =)


I've said goodbye to three people now. And it kinda really sucks...goodbyes are stupid. They hurt. I cry. They cry. We hug and cry some more. Rinse and repeat.

I don't want to leave. I don't want to go. I cannot do this. I can't change my entire life. I am having doubts. Fellow exchangers, in particular inbounders...please tell me I'm not alone!!! Please. And that it gets better...


Good stuff, good stuff...I'm trying to be positive. Ha. I'm going to Sydney with my sister before France. Today was Christmas. Happy Christmas peoples. I got sparkles put on my face yesterday at the fairy store. Tomorrow there are the Boxing Day sales. I bought awesome bathers the other day that I totally love.

There's nothing much more to do before I go, but still so much, if that makes sense.

Ready...

Firstly... Today I realised just how lucky I am. To be alive. To be walking. To be talking. To be going on exchange. Cheers to Jordan for showing me that, leading totally by example, and not even realising what an effect she has had. I'm glad you're going well =)

I have a visa. I have a host family. I have insurance. I have a plane flight. I am ready to go to France, in the sense that all of my paperwork is done.

I am ready, but I am not set, and I don't want to go.

I need more time. More time to organise things. More time to know that this is what I really want. More time to be with people. More time to mature. More time to know that I can handle exchange. More time to know that I can do this, that I will do this.

Every night I am up for hours, thinking about exchange, one moment excited, the next terrified. Maybe I shouldn't have selected a year. Maybe my host family will hate me. Maybe I will love them heaps and think of them as my own. Maybe I won't be able to function. Maybe the language will not be too hard to pick up. Maybe I will get really homesick. Maybe I will thrive being away from here. Maybe I will regret exchange. Maybe I will love it.

All I can think is this: I am meant to go on exchange. I got selected onto Rotary (then turned them down, but that's another story). I got my visa without a problem. Payment is not as difficult for me as I thought it would be. There have been no problems with EF. My parents didn't even need convincing. I am, for some reason, meant to do this. I can only guarantee that I am NOT the perfect exchange student, and I hope my host family don't expect me to be.

My reaction to it all...*insert profanity here*

Counting Down

Two months to go. Two months until my life is turned upside down, inside out, on its head, leaving me to cope, alone, in a country where I have minimal friends and no family. Exciting.

Honestly though, I'm terrified. I can hardly cope here in Australia. What am I going to do in France? Am I cut out to be an exchange student? Doubts and worries cloud my mind and all I can think of is what the hell am I doing moving to another country on the other side of the world?? I guess this is all part of the experience though. They say exchange really takes three years- one to prepare, one to go on exchange, and one to recover, so I try to remember that it's not all bad, that I'm going to have good and bad times and I just have to remember- it's not right, it's not wrong, it's just different. And different it will be indeed.



Okay, whine is over. For some good news..I have a host family!!! I have a mum, Evelyne, a dad, Bernard, and a four year old absolutely adorable sister, Sandy. I've been emailing Evelyne and she is really nice, so I'm hoping it all goes well! I'll be living in the town of Mazeres, in Ariege. It's about halfway between Toulouse and Andorra, and my family go to Andorra once a month as certain products there are cheaper because of taxes. I hope to get to Barcelona at some point as well, it's not too far away =) I was going to be going to the public school in the nearby town of Pamiers, but there are a lot of strikes and such going on at the moment with the French schooling system, so I'll be off to a private Catholic school!! Oh well, at least they don't have uniforms, and I go to a private school here, where fun is not allowed, so I'm going to hope it's better than that! And if not, then at least I am used to it.

so I sit here, waiting for my high school life to finish and a totally new one to begin. I want to be myself this coming year, and learn.

Terrified? Yes. But also totally ready to face the best and worst year of my life