Carpe Diem

YAY! For people actually reading this thing =) And a shout out to the best sister in existence because she never stopped reading and waiting.

I have a host niece! Eight weeks early and born by caesarean, she's in the neo-natal clinic but going well. Sarah Geraud, 11-09-2010.

Time is getting on. I've been here for eight months and nine days. I leave on November 26, which means that I have no desire to count the number of days left. Why? Because it is too short.

In our philosophy classes, we've been discussing time and existence. We ask WHY, not how. Why do humans try to contol time? Notions noted : Time is one of the only things that humans can't control. We live either in the past or the future- by dreading or looking forward to things in the future, or by looking back to the past, with regret, or holding onto it and refusing to let go because it was better then. But it's kind of stupid of us, because we can't change the past, and it's not sure that we'll be around for the future. You could die. Tomorrow. Today. In two seconds. You don't know. I don't know. And we never live in the present.

This year, I lived in the past for a long while, constantly thinking of Australia, holding on, refusing to let go or change. My host family picked me out of this, shook me off, and changed my life. I lived in the present. But now, stupidly, I can't stop thinking of the future. Why? Because I can't control it.

I've changed. Let me just put this out to everyone in Australia, right now : I am not the same girl I was when I left. This means I refuse to put up with all the shit that goes on. And if you annoy me, you'll know it. Things like saying hello and goodbye are important. I am my own person and I do not apologise for who I am. I hate being told what to do if it's not in a respectful way. I live my life the way I want and I don't make any apologies for it. I know that I'm slightly repeating myself, but exchange involves a lot of repeating. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think many people are going to like the new me. I think I'm going to lose a lot of the people that I was once close to. I don't know how I feel about this. All I know is that I'm a better person than I was when I left Australia. I hate who I used to be. I'm finally good in my skin. I owe everything to my host family. They gave me my life back and I don't know how I will ever be able to thank them. And I wouldn't change that for everything.

So I'm trying not to think about saying goodbye. I'm trying not to think about the fact that my year is slowly drawing to a close. I'm just making the most of each day. I'm dancing through life with some of the best, most amazing, wonderful, incredible people I have ever met.

Carpe diem. It'll change you forever.